Rules for Students
(These rules were put
forth by Charles Sykes in his book Dumbing
Down America. They have floated through the Internet being attributed to
Bill Gates. Most often they appear with 11 rules leaving off three that
the original author had written. Since these rules are now about 15 years old, some of the references are getting a bit old, but the rules are still very valid.)
Rule No. 1: Life
is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase "It's
not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so
often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they
started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.
Rule No. 2: The
real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school
does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about
yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets
reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)
Rule No. 3:
Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be
a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a
uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.
Rule No. 4: If
you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have
tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to
ask you how you feel about it.
Rule No. 5:
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed
making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around
talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.
Rule No. 6: It's
not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip
side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me,"
and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on
your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.
Rule No. 7:
Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got
that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell
them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest
from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the
closet in your bedroom.
Rule No. 8: Your
school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. In some
schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer.
Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest
anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course,
bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, R
ule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)
Rule No. 9: Life
is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Not even Easter
break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get
a new life every10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we're at it, very
few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find
yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1and Rule No.
2.)
Rule No. 10:
Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not
all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real
life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends
will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.
Rule No. 11: Be
nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
Rule No. 12:
Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time
you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what
you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with
purple hair and/or pierced body parts.
Rule No. 13: You
are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression
that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you
obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.
Rule No. 14:
Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life
is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid.
Maybe you should start now.
You're welcome.